Captain Oblivious

The Site: Responsible Dog Ownership Day, 2010

The Situation: I’m walking around, camera in hand, snapping lots of pictures of cute puppies and chatting away with random people. Sunny, my mom’s pup, has been in the exercise pen for awhile so I decide to get him out to walk around a bit.

Scene One: Military Dog Handler Dude (MDHD) approaches.

MDHD: “Is that your dog?”

Me: “He’s my mom’s.”

MDHD: “I’ve been researching them on my iPhone and they seem like the perfect dog for me. I used to have an Akita rescued from New Orleans. I have a kid. I’m moving to Virginia in 3 months, then going overseas.”

Me: “That’s cool. Tollers are awesome dogs, super cool, love, love, love.”

MDHD: “Do you breed?”

Me: “Not yet, but here’s my email. You can contact me when you’re ready to get a Toller and we can help you out.”

End Scene


Scene Two: MDHD is walking his dog around and stops to chat.

MDHD: “So do use blahbiddy training techniques?”

Me: “Uh, sure. But we don’t train hardcore. You know, life and work takes up a lot of time and weddings.”

MDHD: “Oh, congratulations!”

Me: “I’m not married.”

MDHD: “Oh. If I had him for a week I could have him so trained.”

Me: “Yeah, I bet you could. They’re pretty soft so you can’t be hard handed with them. They’re super smart, sensitive, awesome, cool. Love, love love.”

MDHD: “I used to be a professional photographer.”

Me: “Awesomeness. I’m not a pro, but I do weddings here and there. I want to keep it fun and not a financial necessity. I gotta go take pictures.”

End Scene.

Scene Three: MDHD approaches, again. Sunny is back in the ex-pen.

MDHD: “How do you get your dog’s teeth so white?”

Me: “Huh, what?”

MDHD: “They’re super sparkly. Do you brush them?”

Me: “Uh, no. We actually don’t do anything to them. It’s all natural.”

MDHD: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Mom calls me over to take photos of something…

End Scene.

A few hours later while we were packing up after the event I had an epiphany…

Me, to Mom: “I think I might have been flirted with. He talked to me about how white Sunny’s teeth were…”

Apparently some of the other club members were highly entertained watching these various scenes unfold. They were much quicker to pick up on what it took me hours to figure out.

This could be a reason why I’m still quite single.

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